It is actually very straining to live and eat and work in a building that, in your own opinion is not even close to finished.  I’m finding it difficult to feel ownership of anything and responsible for nothing, except for “what’s between me and my gods.” (Even if I’m more monotheistic than anything else but that’s really splitting hairs for an infinity encompassing deity.) And so that is why I write these words today.  

May 4th, 2013

I didn’t do the dishes last night because, even if it is an excuse, between the drink and reading the story, I was exausted and wanted to read a bit more then go to sleep.  The story is  Wintersmith, by Terry Pratchett. It has become a bit of a tradition to, instead of watching a movie to read to Temperence at night.  I have given each of the Nac Mac Feegles their own voice. (I do the verra best Scottish accents I can muster, but it’s a bit o’ a heid scratcher,, the more cartoony I make them, the better the voices are, which still isn’t very good ye ken.) And of course all that high brain power stuff is very taxing and I get tired as soon as the sun goes down now, but I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep for a couple hours.  

And with the intention of doing the rest of the dishes in the bowl, before tackling the ones left from meal prior, nothing bad just a pan filled with some old oil and other dishes that have been prewashed by the dogs’ tongues.  There are three of those, the two big dogs: Pixie, the wolf and Little Bit, her son, his father was a Mastiff, so he’s huge, loveable and sharper than cheddar. He also likes to eat cheese.  

Lately, Temp and I have been stepping on each other’s toes a bit, various things said or done that seem like a failing at the time.  I say I’m going to do something and then it gets done in my own time, because, in the end that’s all I really have while I’m hear, so Imight as well enjoy it.  I really do feel the urge to help build this place and learn about everything I can.   I do not like the idea of information costing money. Money in general has become such a warped and vandalized concept.  So the information that this woman gives away, I feel I must work for it.  And so I do, I’ve painted a part of a couple of fences, helped to build a chicken coop, fed and cleaned up after the chicks when they were tiny, helped out with the donkeys and various other things that were interesting or fun to do or needed to get done.

Temperence lives with a lot of pain, but would kill me if ever she knew that I’ve typed a word of it, but it’s such a factor to her character that she will hardly ever show just how much pain she is in.  I’ve heard her talk through the night, rattling off the things that need to be done for the Nature Center.  

Endless things to do, with some priorities and some superficialities.  So much to do and I want to help with what I can, but she keeps telling me that she doesn’t need me, that things will get done whether I’m here or not.   At this point, I’m equally okay and ego bruised about it. There’s this sense of always balancing on a knifepoint, because if I’m too happy with where I am, something sobering happens very quickly.  True, the other side happens as well, but when your life is so tied with the environment then the outright and obvious happy days are few and far between.    

But we all know that life is difficult, even on the march, I was mostly very grumpy.  But, the Garden has weathered the most recent cold snap.  Although, Temp did say that frosts can happen as late as May, so it’s always a gamble at how early you plant.  I make my mistakes, but so far I haven’t been chided for them. 

The orchids however, are in full bloom right now, each like it’s own spiral staircase of soft white steps going up the bright green center stalk.  Each blossom is only about a half an in long, but the central stalks, grow to almost two feet off of the ground.

They are very pretty.

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